Leftoverchinese Ponders Infrequently Asked Questions

Websites seem to always have an 'FAQ'. Since I'm rarely asked the same question twice about this website, or any for that matter, can a site have 'Infrequently Asked Questions'?

This web log recently crossed a milepost: three long years of self-absorbed rants, raves, pictures, and the occasional mockery of people around me. Whereas my attention span won't let me maintain a relationship with a woman for three years, I'll keep typing nonsense into this window a few times a week. I guess as long as I have something pointless to say, you'll have something pointless to read.

That's not going to change...but today, I open the comments link below (read: allow me to pretend more than three people read my nonsense on a regular basis) to your infrequently asked questions (public or private, doesn't matter to me). I will come up with a few of my own and depending on what you and I come up with, the next few posts will be answers to said Infrequently Asked Questions.

Questions may be as general as : "What's the deal with this, anyway?" or as specific as : "Did you really cook a pork chop tonight and add it to last night's Leftover Chinese?" (pun intended)

The short answers are: a) I'm not sure; b) yes...you get the idea.

So...um...go.

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Leftoverchinese Classes up the Joint a bit


Thanks to the help of K'Olive of Eat Chicago fame, and later VA of WWB fame, I went back to the folks' house to inherit the couches that have been misplaced in their dining room for the past few months. All it took was a one-way rental and six hours of sitting in a car or truck. Odds of the cat clawing up the classic leather thereby undoing 30 years of family history: 5-1.

To the curb with the old couch...

Assuming somebody from the city or scavenger decides to pick it up.

Top Five Couch Memories:
- That one day I fell asleep on the couch at my brother's apartment and woke up all hot and sweaty. Complaining that I always woke up on that couch in such a condition, his roommate asked with a Tagalog accent: "Waking up sweaty? Do you have AIDS?"
- That night after the company holiday party in 2003 when I sat down to watch TV at 10:30. After what felt like two minutes, it was 2:30am...thus marking the first time I ever passed out/blacked out after a night of drinking. Thank you, Day Job.
- That day in college I inherited the couch and asked my friend Dave that he remove his shoes when lying on the couch assuming I could keep it clean for the next six years.
- That night I f-[too much information]-d.
- That morning before work when I needed some change for the bus and cut small slits in the upholstery so I could squeeze out a few quarters.

Goodbye Blue couch...I'll keep your friend, the matching semi-love seat, clean and comfortable. Please go away...soon.

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Leftoverchinese Struggles With Microwave Oatmeal

The package says: "Add a half cup of water. Microwave on HIGH one to two minutes." The package doesn't say: "If you use hot water and a styrofoam cup, keep an eye on that sucker." I could have used that bit of information yesterday. The package also doesn't say: "If you use cold water and a styrofoam cup, you should still keep an eye on that sucker." That would have been good to know this morning.

Workplace Microwave 2 - Leftoverchinese 0.

I guess the lesson here is: It's probably good that I'm finally eating a decent breakfast on a regular basis for the first time since...middle school?

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Leftover Chinese Buys the Three Dinner Meal

Growing up on a steady diet of Filipino food, we never saw the point in going to a Filipino restaurant. It seemed like a complete scam. The food always tasted "funny" because someone other than my mom made it. The restaurant always tasted "funny" because we were probably ashamed to be Filipino kids.

Times have changed and to get some of the motherland cuisine, I either have to drive two hours to visit my parents, call a distant relative who still uses lard in her cooking, or call the restaurant. I chose the latter this evening. The food doesn't taste as "funny" these days. The portions are family sized and reasonably priced so I have at least two dinners left for about twenty dollars. Fishpond is the place. Go. Now.

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Leftover Chinese Ponders the Weekend

The parents are going on vacation for two weeks. Should I go back to the hometown and throw a party? Hmmm? Break out the ping-pong table and 1980's era toys in the sadly unfurnished basement? Crack open that thirty year old bottle of scotch? Call old friends and hide when the cops show up? Park cars up the street so nobody gets suspicious? These are the things I should have done ten years ago.

What would you do if had the childhood house to yourself for a weekend?

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Leftover Chinese Takes Pictures on the Walk Home

So I've been on this new kick lately where I sit on my train for an extra ten minutes, so I can enjoy a nice twenty-five minute walk home. Doing this will be more convenient than going to the damn gym every other day.


Sufferers of Chron's Disease Take note.


"Sweet Paint job, man."
"Yeah, I'm riding this all the way to the Super Bown, dude."

Um...Congratulations go to the Bears for advancing to the playoffs. Everybody paint your van.

Other News: A little bit of exposure on Chicagoist regarding an upcoming performance. Yay.

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Leftover Chinese Gets Heartburn


National Holiday Highlight: Hot Dougs. Italian Sausage. Pork/Beef/Garlic Combination. Fourty minutes in line. Cherry coke. Heartburn. Every minute worth it.

MLK Day comes at the right time. Adjusting back to the work routine after the holidays tends to follow a long and tedious path. The extra day is nice to break up the grind a bit. I look forward to this national holiday every year, albeit probably not for the holiday's original intent. Get yourself through Presidents day and before you know it, Spring shows up again.

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Leftover Chinese is Getting Creeped out by the Nigerian Scam

HAPPY NEW YEAR
REPARTRATION OF FUND
ALFRED AHMED & PARTNERS
112 ISA BELLO STREET,
LAGOS NIGERIA.
13th January 2006.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Barrister Alfred Ahmed Solicitor. I am the Personal Attorney to
Mr.Tiffany E. Lo a national of your country, who used to work with
shell development company in Nigeria.On the 2nd of may 2002, my client, his
wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagbama
Express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there
lives.

Coincidence? Yes...but a little too close to home. Happy Friday das 13th.

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Leftover Confirms a Scandalous Suspicion in the Laundry Basement

It has nothing to do with the mysterious gasoline smell by the door...

Some time before the holidays, I was talking to the neighbors Bradley about nothing in particular when Miller made the comment that a neighbor apparently came home at six in the morning after an apparent night out. I think I immediately made the off-hand remark that he was probably cheating on his live-in girlfriend. We had a good chuckle and moved on to more important business.

Over the holidays half of my building remained largely empty and familiar cars were missing. I didn't hear the normal sounds of a dog running down a flight of stairs and a different car was parked in the neighboring spot. Hmmm.

Since the holidays, things around the ol' fort have returned closer to normal but something didn't quite feel right. I couldn't put my finger on it...That is, until I did my laundry tonight. There's a small table next to the washer and on it sat a box labeled: "Stuff for [girlfriend]."

Snap.

People usually give their keys back when everything is moved out, right? Big wheel keep on turning.

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Leftover Chinese Apologizes to Anybody Who Drank a Glass of Water


Two years and two months to the day, I changed the filter.

The pitcher of Brita filtered water in my refrigerator was starting to look a little uh, dirty. I didn't really notice so long as the water was clear. Last night was a good time to take care of it. It also seemed like a good time to change the filter. I was curious to see how long it's been since I made a switch...

I'm glad I, uh, wrote down the date.

So...sorry to anyone who came to my apartments and drank a glass of water after March of 2004. Yeah, it's been a while.

(Oh, and to photograph rushing water to look like that, use a small aperture and a slow shutter speed...or vice versa...I could be wrong...in case you were wondering.)

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Leftoverchinese Gives His Dad a Confused Look

Growing up, my father wasn't much of a tipper. He usually stayed closer to the fifteen percent line and wouldn't drop the extra dollar. When I started picking up checks, I assumed the same opinion. Over time, I figured it out and became slightly more generous. Then I spent a few very educational months as a server in a Holiday Inn. Dinners with my folks after that featured working hard to convince my father to drop that extra dollar or two. I'd tell him stories about receiving bad tips, rude things my parents do that people have to put up with, and being able to take money home. He loosened the wallet, but not too much. Today at lunch he turned to me and said: "You know, we'd better tip well...'they' say Asians don't tip well...so I'm going to do my part and help the next guy." Um...

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Leftover Chinese Gets Digital Cable

What the hell am I going to do with a few hundred channels? I'm usually home and awake less than two hours per day during the week. I guess I got sick of having ten watchable channels to chose from when I did want to sit down and watch television. Not only that, I'm dropping a few extra bucks a month for NBA TV and a few other sports channels. I can keep up with Italian league futbol, college basketball in rural Oregon, and semi-professional golf. This definitely sounds like a wise expenditure (not really).

First Moment of Justification: The episode of A-Team where Ba Baracus and Hulk Hogan spend every scene they share competitively arguing. The sight of two grown men wearing bright red 'Hulkamania' shirts arguing about how macho they are is classic.

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Leftover Chinese Writes a Few Self-Involved Paragraphs About his Recent Exploration of The Beatles

Folks the world over live for them and their music. My buddy Damon, an avid Beatles fan, saw the John Lennon exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago. He said his jaw was dropped the entire time. My boss always proclaims that they are overrated and obscenely overexposed. I guess he was at a piano bar once and when the piano players started playing a Beatles tune, he started screaming "No Beatles! No Beatles!" Strong feelings on both sides, folks.

Growing up, I never understood the fascination with the Beatles. All I knew about them was that they sold a lot of albums, took the United States by storm, and hated each other in the end. My disgust with Oasis during high school made me dislike them and any band as in the style of Lennon/McCartney.

Through the wonders of technology, I recently found ten Beatles albums from the neighbor Bradleys. I'm slowly digesting them during commutes and long walks from the train station.

Anyway. I was screwing around on the guitar tonight and came across a catchy sounding progression. You can probably guess which band it sounded like. I think they own every catchy progression known to man. Did I annoy myself? The answer is...

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Leftover Chinese Vents: The Transit Authority

So they raised the cash fares to $2.00 and eliminated transfers. You have to get one of them fancy magnetic card readers to enjoy the old fares...maybe. In order to meet the budget crunch, the system was nice enough to raise the fares on out of town guests and those who have no access to a computer and strict reliance on the train system. Doesn't seem too fair to the latter.

So two days after raising the fares (today), there was an 'interlocking' problem. The thirty-five minute commute turned into an hour-twenty. Besides waiting forever to each train, I enjoyed packed cars, annoying high school kids, watching my train switch to express two stops before mine, and a stiff "urging" to move by some guy who thought I was getting too close. Thanks dudes.

So on the way to work this morning, a father had brought his 2-3ish year old daughter along for the ride. Towards the end of the commute, she threw a tantrum. You could tell which people have no experience with children...they were the semi-younger professionals shooting the dirty looks. The rest just carried on as usual.

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Leftover Chinese Takes a Look at 2006


Happy New Year. Let your horns blow.

I can't afford a tuba, so I got myself a moderately priced trombone. It will take some time to get the hang of it, but I can make the thing sing a few notes and do things with the tone that sound professional. Low Brass and I have a good history: My grades in high school improved when I picked up the Tuba; I pulled my college GPA up significantly once I started playing in the weekly band class. Using that logic, one should predict that I win the lottery this year.

Strangely enough, my life feels slightly more complete. Happy Two Thousand Fucking Six.

Six Simple Resolutions
- Honor my limits on what I can do with my free time.
- More running in circles. Less lifting weights over and over again.
- In regards to the opposite sex, I'll try not to enter a relationship unless I'm 100% dead sure I want to be in one.
- Try not to look tired all the time.
- More living. Less time at the computer.
- Smaller Meals.

Six Petty Resolutions
- Make my Aquarium friends last until July.
- Stop banging my head into open cupboards.
- Introduce myself to strangers more often.
- Be more willing to use the telephone.
- Stop reminding people that I have a cat.
- Buy some clothes for a change.

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Leftover Chinese Looks at the Coincidence


January 1, 2005 vs. January 1, 2006: Same order, different camera, different year. Not by design.

Thanks for catching that one, Owltakecareofit.

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