How Not to Learn a Popular Song in Fifteen Minutes
(or...how to learn a rock cover if you're an ass like me)



- Listen to song at work.
- Hang out for a weekend.
- Consult the On-Line Guitar Archive for what the guitar chords may or may not be and scribble the progression on nearest blank piece of paper.
- Play around with chords on piano until they sound familiar.
- Practice song structure.
- Laugh at self for having learned the song without having heard it in four days.
- Question self for not taking that scholarship offer eight years ago to study music.
- Shake Head.

Bonus List: How I learned music for former Van Halen-esque cover band

- Hear singer and lead guitarist talk about song.
- Give them strange look when they suggest a song by Creed.
- Ask them if they're serious.
- Assure band that you'll learn the song before next rehearsal.
- Do nothing until next rehearsal.
- Study recordings used by the singer and guitarist during rehearsal to settle arguments as to how the song was played on the original band's live album.
- Run through song with band a few times, needlessly embellish bass part (read: two octave arpeggios/scale runs/slap bass) whenever you can.
- Assure band that you'll have the song learned before next week's show.
- Don't touch bass until showtime then be the only guy on stage who gets drunk during the show.
- After the bar clears out, hear a cute girl who seems to have stuck around say to you: "My brother says you're the best bass player he's ever seen and he goes to a lot of shows and sees a lot of bands..."
- Miss intentions completely, sheepishly make self-deprecating comment, politely thank bar patron and continue packing up gear.
- A few months later, realize what you missed out on that night.
- Shake head in disgust.

Conclusion as it relates to Karma:
Music is the beautiful girlfriend I insist on treating like shit. As a result, I tend to be amazingly clueless when a woman is interested in me. I blame nobody.

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Technical Difficulties

I knew I was in for a strange weekend when my haircut lady was in a bad mood. I could barely stay awake during the cut, and everything seemed hasty. The weekend to follow featured the first hurdles of the year: (1) the accidental public misplacement of my mp3 player; and (2) the malfunctioning of the used camera. I'm not looking forward to the next event to go wrong, but I shouldn't care. Nothing will take away the fun.

- Today I took a road trip through the local streets in hopes of finding a Filipino restaurant called "mom's". After not finding the place at all, we decided to stop at the next Filipino restaurant we could find. Des Plaines, IL was the place to be this afternoon. Enjoyment included good food, clean conditions, boring strip malls, and our nice waitress testing our knowledge of Tagalog in the form of a question answered by me in english. Score.

- My father's sage advice for the medical student deciding where to specialize: "I see Type II diabetics in children now. In thirty years, they will need a cardiologist. The diabetic baby boomers need them now. Tell them to go into cardiology." Take it or leave it, folks.

- Said father's observation of my reaction to his opinion that the Asian Tsunami was a deliberate act of god towards a religious group: "So...you think like them huh? Hahahahahahha."

- Half of my visits to the hometown include a chore to visit the local suburban Laundromat to wash rugs. I'm sent to clean dirty rugs in the big washers. I probably look like an ass for soiling the machines used mostly for blankets and comforters. For some reason, the hour of people watching and reading old newspapers is starting to relax me.

- Gas is cheaper in the city of Chicago than it is in the Milwaukee area. We're officially in some sort of bizarro world...

- Everybody around me is either sick or getting over a sickness. My turn better not be next...a shortened week would be nice, though.

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More Fascinating than Staring at a Spreadsheet


Chicken.Vinegar.Soy Sauce.Potato.Mushrooms.Garlic.Pepper.
I'm getting closer to the way my mom make this dish...but do I want to do a better job than her on this dish?


The eggrolls been sitting in my freezer since October. More importantly, the deep fryer is in back in action.

American-born kids raised in Filipino families tend to be ashamed of the odors coming out of the kitchen. The cooking smells never bothered me and if I had a guest over, I would take them to the source. Now I make my own apartment stink pretty...the neighbors haven't kicked me out yet.

...and yes, I did stare at the same fucking spreadsheet all day long. It wasn't bad enough for me to question what good my job does for society, but it still sucked.

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In Case You Weren't Counting (Sports)


We're at the sixty-nine day milepost. You all have sixty-nine days to get your act together.

This is not as annoying as seeing their Magic Number countdown in April. The faithful are watching the calendar in anticipation of the days they get to pay admission to talk on their cellphones and scream at soft flyballs caught by the pitcher. Insert juvenile sex joke here:______.

Sports

I hit my target weight today and we're only twenty-five days into the year. By that I mean I'm almost three months into a new gym habit and I feel pretty good these days.

Sports

The proverbial 'watercooler' tomorrow will feature people commenting to me about tonight's Wisconsin basketball defeat. Sports is probably the only non-business related thing I discuss with certain people during the day. Either that or I'm way more socially awkward than I think I am. Regardless, I'm starting to think spectator sports exist for the sole purpose of giving corporate america something to talk about.

Sports

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The Weekend I Spent a lot of Time Learning a Camera.

I didn't have much light to work with. I seem to know a lot of people who play music live:


Ben Weaver out of focus.


Liam takes a break from talking about the Cosby show.


Kris stays still for a second.


Sleepout gets the flash treatment.


Matt "Ass to Ass" Fast debuts his hit.

- As we enter year three of this web log, I think a few more photos and a few less meandering observations will keep you entertained. The early returns tell me that I have a lot to learn about taking pictures.

- Everybody at the supermarket today did their weekly shopping in a daze. It seemed like the day or two of isolation erased any sense of urgency or sanity. Do you think watching TV for two days straight will do that to people? It always seemed like somebody was in my way and I always seemed to be in someone else's path. It took me way too long to find Pita bread.

- Fox advertised an episode of Family guy all afternoon. America was told to stay tuned for that episode where Peter wishes he had no bones. When it came time to watch Family Guy, Fox aired a different episode. Good work, Fox. I'm just glad to see that show back on network television.

- At the spontaneous visit to the neighborhood pub for Karaoke Night, I somehow knew how to sing Hall and Oates' "Maneater." I haven't heard that song in years. Kris (as pictured above) got to be Hall.

- The best part about operating a vehicle this past weekend was parking in our mini-lot. The snow and ice made it easy to just sail my car into the spot.

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Feets of Snow


Stunt driving is standard on sidestreets.


Frosty couldn't take the snow, so he offed himself against my window.

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In with the New. In with the Old


Recently received (used) SLR camera as shot by deteriorating point and shoot camera.


Deteriorating Point and shoot camera as shot by recently received (used) SLR camera.

If you squint hard enough, you'll notice subtle differences in image quality. If you think hard enough, you'll sort out the two captions, get confused, then sort them out again.

I used to have a flim SLR camera and I regret the fact that I used it rarely during the college years. It was removed from my apartment in the great heist of 2001 and losing that almost hurt as much as losing my first electric guitar ever. Nonetheless three years later, I can finally go back...digital style. I still owe myself a nice SLR film camera, though. It's time to spend more time enjoying another half-assed hobby.

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Sentences

The scraggly stubble growing where my chin meets my neck is really thick.
I went bowling today.
The Loop just played a recording of a drunk listener telling us to get 'rrready for then in a row.'
Every Rose has its Thorn.
I received a check in the mail from a 401(k) plan I foolishly have yet to start.
Three of my plants are sick and I have no idea why.
Every day since last Friday I have come home to a Netflix DVD in the mail.
This afternoon I had a conversation about Dave Grohl and Pat Metheny with a guy in his 40's.
Snow is not so bad when it's falling.

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One Degree Celsius

Let's call it the first heat wave of the year. I could have done without the slippery sidewalks but you can't win them all, I suppose. Spills - 0. Slips - 1. Skids - plenty.

Sports Rant for Football Fans: When you think of a player who would belong in his team's hall of fame, you probably try to think of the legends in franchise history. Is Don Majkowski a franchise legend? He had one good year in five mostly losing seasons. I doubt the Bears would induct Erik Kramer to the Hallas Hall of Fame. Still...the guy did give us the 'Instant Replay Game...so we congratulate him.

I hear there's a nicely funded party going on tomorrow featuring quite a bit of security, pomp, circumstance, christian-god, war, and virtually no work being done to make this world a better place. Good for them...

. . [~] . 0 (Grumble) Grumbles .

Negative Seven Degrees Celsius

Tonight's weather was nice enough to alter my path to my car. Stepping out of the shelter of the parking garage corner and into a stiff crosswind on the top level, I felt as if somebody smacked me in the face with something leafy. Mother nature was nice enough to give me a shove for calling her out on a post made last week.

After suffering a 5 hour episode of illness Monday morning, I figured that my involuntary mini-fast would result in the loss of a pound or two. Today I did the usual check at the gym and I clocked in a pound or two heavier than what was measured last Thursday. That's about right.

Speaking of Vomiting, Jimmy Johns is going toe-to-toe with Subway near my office. Jimmy Johns subs share many similarities to the ones hocked at Big Mikes back in college. This means I get easy access to something similar to the Godfather sandwich. The greasy, spicy mess is as enjoyable on the way out as it is on the way in. No joke.

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Saturday II: MMV edition

Three day weekend returns. Despite the fact that I had a 10 day break not two weeks ago, I really needed the break. There should be a federal holiday every six weeks. That is at least eight days a year.

[x] Slow down. Don't get your hopes up, sonny.

Football on the video game machine. Besides the smooth football action that gets us closer to 'playing TV', the soundtrack features a Faith No More song as its "retro" track. Don't worry...my attention span won't let me get addicted to this game.

The nice chill sealed my car windows shut. Much hilarity was enjoyed opening my car door to do things like handing tickets to the parking gate guy and yelling at the drive-thru window. Much hilarity...

The zero degree weather shouldn't make me stay in tonight. Or should it?

Hearing a car near the intersection + hearing a small crash + hearing that same car gun itself away = the quote from Millah: "Yeah, that sounds about right." Note to self: Never take the front spot in a line of cars on the street. Reminder: Never take the rear spot in a line of cars on the street.

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One of those days...

Have you ever had one of those days where you forget to set your alarm, snap out of bed because you have to be at work by a certain time, rush to a crowded train at which point you can't help but notice a woman's low-cut blouse and wonder what she does for a living, get to work to fulfill your scheduled commitment, pause to take a deep breath because things went smoothly, then before you know it realize that the clock shows 4:30pm?

I'm writing this at 9:45pm and I still don't know where the last 13 hours went.

Rhetorical question with multiple answers: When an attractive dame closes an e-mail about not yet having a plan this holiday weekend with "..." and it is the second occurrence of such a closing in that context:

[ ] Slow down, don't get your hopes up, sonny
[ ] It means nothing. Who are you trying to kid?
[ ] That's a hint, you idiot.
[ ] Delete this part of the post if anything positive happens...dumbass.
[ ] Cheri Oteri Nude

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H E A T

Seven days ago we were making our way through a foot of snow and it was fun. This morning I found myself wondering if lighting could strike me on my way to the train...not so fun. Right now I have the windows open in sixty-degree weather and the radar shows a big-ass thunderstorm and ensuing temperature drop headed this way. In less than two days, the temperature will be quite close to zero. January to June back to January in less than a week? Mother nature has become manic depressive. She probably wasn't hugged enough during her childhood. Good times.

In other news, the following items have accidentally irritated my eyes in the past few weeks. In order of severity:

03 Tabasco brand Pepper Sauce - Stung for only a short while. The agony was fleeting.
02 Citric Acid (orange) - I didn't mind the stinging inasmuch the lingering pain.
01 Dishwasher Detergent - As soon as I felt a single granule enter my eye, I knew I was in trouble. This stung like a bitch and took forever to wash out.

My eyes are magnets for pain.

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Everybody Else is Doing it...

Courtesy of Aarron, I shall follow suit and waste 45 seconds of your time reading things that may or may not be true about me. Rememeber when friends would forward annoying e-mails with questions like this? Me neither...

Three Names You Go By:
1. Eddie (or Ed-D)
2. Ed
3. Edlo

Three Things You Like About Yourself:
1. Great situational memory
2. I cook by feel, never by formula
3. I'm not ashamed to admit that I own two bowling balls and my own bowling shoes

Three Things You Hate About Yourself:
1. Out of the goodness of their hearts, my parents instilled in me an unhealthy tendency to be self-doubting where everything is approached with an "I can't" attitude
2. I can't memorize movie lines or song lyrics worth a damn
3. I think more and say less

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Chinese
2. Filipino
3. The Suburbs

Three Things You're Afraid Of:
1. Asphyxiation
2. Walking by myself and approaching a group of Caucasians walking in the opposite direction on the street at 3am
3. The executive branch

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Between 6.5 and 7.5 hours of sleep
2. Background Music
3. Chicken or rice...sometimes together.

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Watch
2. Shoes
3. Wife-beater

Three of Your Favorite Bands:
1. Parliament/Funkadelic
2. Van Halen
3. Rancid

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present:
1. Forty Days (Billy Brooks)
2. Road Leads where it's Led (Secret Machines)
3. The Lemon Song (Led Zeppelin)

Three Things You Want To Try In The Next 12 Months:
1. Piano with a band
2. Bench press 225 lbs
3. Sex

Two Truths & A Lie:
1. I've never been in a fight
2. Once upon a time in 'aught-two', the internet played a role in a one-night stand
3. I love NASCAR

Three Things You Just Can't Do:
1. Jog without pain
2. Date more than one woman at the same time
3. Beat Super Mario Brothers 3

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. People watching
2. Making fun of people as I watch them
3. Voicing those comments to whomever is with me

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Find a wad of cash on the sidewalk
2. Tell people what I really think of them
3. Stare at the Periodic table of elements

Three Careers You're Considering:
1. Lawyer
2. Musician
3. Novelist

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1. Hong Kong
2. London
3. Moscow

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. Set foot on every continent including Antarctica...hell, make that sub-continent.
2. Hit a baseball out of a major league ballpark (aluminum bat)
3. Raise an extremely nerdy son/daughter

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The Continually dependent Progression of Events

Going to bed early tonight is a result of a late Saturday night. A late Saturday night was made possible after a quiet Friday night. The quiet Friday night was a result of fatigue due to a relatively busy Friday and a late Thursday night. I could take this all the way back to 1989 if I had the time.

- It took me three tries to get out of the hometown tonight. The first try featured me remembering that I left my glasses at the house as soon as I hit Interstate 894. The second try was aborted when an internal alarm clock went off without a snooze option. The third try got me back to my apartment. Wasting hours is overrated.

- One advantage of living in a building with minor age-related quirks that aren't worth bothering the landlord is learning how to fix things. I now know how to replace the flapper. No more broken chains. No more toilet tank hand baths.

- This restaurant was visited again on Friday and I found an amazing dish: Ribeye meat cooked in ranchero salsa with beans and rice. I'm determined to visit this place again without office people around me.

- Staying around the house among friends/neighbors on a Friday night might become the tradition. It's served me well in recent months and I like having an entire saturday free of tiredness and/or hangovers.

- My Saturday night as told through pointless excerpts from conversations:

Cellular Phone Circa 7:57 p.m.:

ME: "It's Ed."
NT: "Oh hey what's going on?"
ME: "Just wondering if tonight's plan is still on."
NT: "...yeah, we'll be there a little after nine..."
ME: "Okay, I'll be there between eleven and nine"
NT: "Uh...okay."

A few hours later at the watering hole:

NT: "So this guy called me and asked about the plans tonight...I didn't know who it was and he said he'd be here between 11 and 9. I have no idea who this person was...it was kind of scary. I'm a little freaked out."
ME: "That was me."

Circa 2:29 a.m. via cellular phone as Chingy was being involuntarily blasted into my ears:

STV: "Where are you?"
ME: "I'm at 'Tai's till 4'"
STV: "Hahahahahahaha!"
ME: "I'm in hell."
STV: "We're eating burritos."

Parting exchange circa 4:14 a.m.:

MF: "Oh shit. It's late. I'd love to stay to see the end of this movie, but-"
ME: "Yeah...I think he graduates."
MF: "Oh yeah: Triple Lindy. Graduation."
(Name that movie.)

We're only ten days into the year and things are getting more fun in these parts with all the toilet fixing, piano playing, and taco eating going on.

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S N O W

Today features the third significant snowfall of the year in the city. It was 50 degrees six days ago. It will be back in the upper 40's in six days. People usually mutter the term "global warming" when the weather hits patterns like these. Most of my friends are from Wisconsin where the weather was more consistent. Sometimes I wonder if the weather always followed crazy patterns like this in this city. Time to consult an old man.

Miller told us this story about how some guy on the train stood across the car from him and loudly asked him if he was "going for Wolverine (followed by a loud hiss)." I asked him if the guy was thin and wore thick glasses. He said yes and pointed out the man's tendency to breathe into his hands. I noticed the same thing. We officially have ourselves a train character.

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Turning Ankles is What I'm About

I tweak my ankle four times a year. Usually this happens when I step to lower altitudes. It never happens when I run. It never happens when I'm playing a sport that involves changing directions. Most of the time, I can walk the pain off within a few steps. Tonight's episode featured me exclaiming "Fuck, Me!" after an awkward curb dismount. Through my headphones I heard a woman say something to her friend that sounded like: "Oh, I thought he was talking to us."

Business as usual.

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Board Um

After spending most of the last week at home either playing piano or watching a movie, I've successfully bored myself enough to seriously consider going back to work on tomorrow's company holiday. However, only eleven of these are handed out a year so I'll force myself to lay low for one more day. I'll spend the next three hundred sixty or so days making things around me more awesome...it's better I rest now.

- New Years Eve this year was an indoor affair. Good times were spent among friends. Somewhere among shots of Whiskey, Jaeger and a visit to a 4am bar, I found myself seated at a piano pounding out chords to an entertained, but possibly annoyed livingroom. My camera took no pictures. This holiday gets the first official "[scene missing]" stamp in the photo archive. (Photobrog doesn't count)

- I awoke in 2005 feeling a little preserved. I could actually feel the aldehyde in my system. That's no way to feel. Alcohol is nobody's friend.

- For the second consecutive year, Spring came back to turn the calendar. It was warm and dry enough for a game of catch the other day. Fresh air and glove-snaps? I deem the break complete.

- This Will Ferrell vehicle cracked me up enough times to view it twice in less than 24 hours. Lots of moustaches.

- This movie was watched over a meal from Reza's during my detox night. Both were good.

- This chase movie intrigued me. The main character takes speed and eludes authorities through 3 states. The story is used a) to show cool car chase scenes and stunt driving; and b) to question what America seeks in a hero. I need to watch this a few more times.

- This pool movie is a good film as well. Jackie Gleason played off as one of the smoothest characters I have ever seen...and all he does is comb his hair and sink pool balls.

- This Wes Anderson film is another gem. I thought he took a high budget and made a film that stayed loyal to his fans. Not too many franchise directors can pull that off these days.

Yeah, I think those are all the movies I've watched in the past week...the 10 day break continues...a day too long for the bored and single.

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