...and then Blogger Ate My Post

I'm not typing this all over again. You will get the abbreviated version. I listed three reaons I don't feel eighteen anymore (or twenty-one for that matter).

1) New business cards. The words "Senior" and "Manager" appear somewhere on the card. I sound like a bank.

2) We were eating dinner outside and a group of teenagers a few tables away were acting normal. I found the behavior to be obnoxious and annoying. I know damn well I probably acted the same way.

3) Medial Epicondylitis

Tennis elbow (or 'golfer's elbow' in my case) is reserved for those in their 50's. Fifteen years of fundamentally flawed tennis, volleyball, and baseball is starting to take its toll. I'm too young for this...but I can't say 'no' to a game of catch this late in the summer.

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The Weekend I Actually had a Day to Myself

Since March I've either been (1) on a roadtrip, (2) washing rugs and cutting lawns at my parent's house; or (3) attending a planned cookout function around here. I took what felt like my first true day off in months and did nothing with it. It was great. The weekend, eh?

- In order to accommodate a gathering of people in my apartment, I moved my couch from the middle of the room to against the wall. If you take away the third piece of furniture and clear the entry way between the living room and dining room, my apartment looks like a tiny VFW hall. Would my guests feel the same way? I don't think it came up...everybody had a good time.

- My mom tried to scold me today for "feeding your friends alcohol." I said that I fed them pizza and nachos, too. That defense didn't work. It was just another typical conversation I have with my mother on the telephone. Is it even possible to have a party with my friends where no alcohol is served?

- There's a band playing on Austin City Limits right now that I can't figure out. Everybody in the crowd is way too happy about each song. The music is way upbeat and the singers sound too happy. Is this is a Christian band? Wait...it's Guster. I've never head of them before...but they sound like a Christian band....not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just sayin'.....

- A conversation with the guy whom previously occupied my apartment:

S: "So how's the place going?"
E: "It's nice, I'm enjoying it so far."
S: "How have T and J been upstairs?"
E: "They've been alright."
S: "So, uh...They fuck a lot, don't they?"

We proceeded to discuss the strange frequency in which the married couple of six years shake the springs. Misery loves company, I guess.

- As I said earlier, I did nothing on Saturday. I got a box of chicken from Popeyes and sat around all day long. I think it was one of the best days of the summer.

- A friend of a friend showed up at my house on Friday night and I had met this person only one other time: a Friday night during sophomore year in high school where I somehow wound up chauffeuring a bunch of people on a cruise of Highway 100 in Milwaukee. If you know what I'm talking about, you can probably bet on what was going through my mind that night. The people from that particular evening occupy my mental 'that was a strange night' file. I asked: "...so what have you been up to the last eight years?" Crossing paths like that? Strangely fascinating.

Speaking of strangely fascinating...I should sleep soon.

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What Kept Me Entertained

Courtesy of Internet forwarders via the West Wash Blog, This article. More importantly, I got a good laugh out of:

This Picture,

This Picture,

and this Picture.

Do you ever get home from work at the end of the day and get the feeling that you're just on break until you go back in the morning? I felt that for a few fleeting moments tonight. It's not the stress. I can't put my finger on it.

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Supermarket Tourture

Going to the grocery store right from work is rarely a good idea. If I shop for groceries on a fairly empty stomach, I tend to get confused easily and I buy stuff I later wind up questioning. Today, I decided that I needed a break from the garlic/soy sauce/pork routine. I was craving some chicken with the tasty Orange Beef sauce found in the "Oriental" section of the grocery store. I picked up everything I needed for the dish before reaching the mixes. No Orange Beef. This flavor is the only one out of the bunch that acutally tastes good. I must have stood there for over three minutes trying to figure out if I was looking in the right spot. I wound up settling on a Sweet and Sour Mix. For some unexplicable reason, I also bought one 'Kung Pow Chicken' and three 'Chop Suey' mixes. I should have grabbed a jar of the actual sweet and sour sauce and walked away. The Sweet and Sour was pretty bland and I'm almost certain those generic, white bread mixes will taste like poop.

The hunger/supermarket combination did it to me again.

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You Saw It

Citing a need to make my bed a few degrees closer to even, I went to the local hardware supply store to pick up a hand saw. I decided to do this immediately after a quick run around the neighborhood. I must have looked suspicious to the security guard. It was almost sunset, I was sweaty, flush, sporting gym shorts and the requesite 'A-shape T-shirt,' I'm still catching my breath, and my walk is irregular. I buy a handsaw and nothing else. Quick entry/quick exit. If I had the moustache on, I bet he'd think something was up.

In other news, particle board is harder to cut than I expected. Junky furniture made of this stuff falls apart easily while taking a saw to it wears you out. I shall limit sawing sessions to one board a day...only at night.

Soon I shall conquer the enemy of my apartment...this incline must be tamed.

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Six Hours There. Nine Hours Back.


The 211th roadtrip of the summer takes us to Minnesota and back. I will go there again in two weeks. My affair with interstates ninety and ninety-four gets hotter by the week.

Practice what you preach. I noticed that traffic was getting tight around Madison and suggested to a few friends on the road behind me that using the Milwaukee detour would be smoother. I don't know if they took my advice...but two hours after I made this call, I was mislead by the open traffic by the interchange. I thought the two hour break would have opened up the traffic. Not quite....

Yet another Bachelor had his party. We went to a baseball game, sipped beer in the sun, watched a movie at a club and nobody got kicked out of anywhere or passed out in public. A good time was had by all.

I got to sleep on a bed each night this weekend. A luxury like that goes a long way in me not feeling like a complete zombie right now. I also went to sleep this morning completely sober. I think I found the keys to getting through weekends like these in good shape: (1) don't sleep on a bed of rocks; (2) make sure the ground ain't spinning when you retire.

Watching Purple Rain while sitting in First Ave. was strange yet awesome. Hearing drunken Minnesotans cheer at the mere mention of Lake Minnetonka in the script was awesome yet lame. The film Purple Rain is both strange, awesome, and lame. All of this ceased to matter when we stood up and danced to the final song and the credits. Therefore all friends and well-wishers present are deemed Purple. What?

After taking in the game at The Metrodome, I did some thinking. You know what? I think this 'indoor sports only stadium' concept just might catch on. I think America will take to going to indoor baseball games on breezy 75 degree and sunny late-summer days. It's our right.

If you haven't noticed, McDonalds changes their slogan every so-often. This current one has been going on forever. When will it end?

...and yet we get to go back to another week of putting out fires at the office. I'm...um...I'm...um....

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The End of My Work Day as Told Like the Closing Seconds of a 1980's Game Show

The web log's contestants insist on giving me crap for saying no to drinks after work. Today show is sponsored by: 'the line between work and life' and 'haven't we spent enough time in one place today?' A subsidiary of: 'No, I don't really care that I look like an ass for not wanting to go to the office happy hour,' the makers of 'I already have too many friends.' I'm your host, Eddie. This has been a Leftover Chinese production.

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[Untitled]

My door buzzer is loud. It's loud enough to wake up the neighbors across the street. Today's wakeup call was the buzzer. I'm in bed, easing myself awake, when out of nowhere the wall alarm goes off. For some reason, my neighbors give up easily when they can't open the door to the outside world. I didn't mind the first few times...but it seems to happen at least once a week. I have yet to have problems getting into my building. What gives?

In order to confirm what I already knew, I searched the Inter-web to see how long one should boil ears of corn on the stove. This Page was of no help to me. Suggestions ranged from two minutes to over forty five minutes. I based my time on the color of the corn. I think I got it right.

Fox brought back the Family Guy tonight. While I have a feeling that the new episodes won't be nearly as good, I'm glad that Fox has agreed to bring back the show so it can bounce it around the schedule again. Just you watch.

I gave that DLR Band album I talked about earlier this week another listen. That album is a great rock album. I'm serious.

To top it all off:

What's black and white black and white black and white and green all over?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle.

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Grumble Grumble

Go to next room. For the first time in a while, I'm writing after midnight. Allow me to get a few things off my chest.

- I rue the day I thought black would be a good color to cover my recently acquired couch. I forgot that I invite Millah's cats in to the apartment from time to time. It's not that I mind the visits from the cats...they love it here...but the fact that I vacuumed my couch tonight makes me wonder: "what was I thinking?"

- A quick visit to Sears highlighted today. I needed a belt for the aforementioned vacuum cleaner. I haven't been to a Sears in years. Everything at that store seems so sterile while giving you feeling that it is still supposed to be the 1950's. You get nostalgic...yet annoyed at the same time. I also noticed that a lot of customers speak Tagalog. Since I sort of know the language, I always want to eavesdrop to see what they're saying. Filipinos tend to talk loudly in public. I used to be embarrassed about it...but now, I consider it a favor.

- Niece Emma is seventeen months old. She can't speak many words, but she can do some crazy things. I sat her down at the family piano and couldn't pry her away. You put a coat on and she starts saying "bye! bye!" When I get her to talk, the most I ever hear is "Hi!" and "awwl downe!" One would think she doesn't get English yet. At the dinner table on Sunday night, we were asking her who each family member was. They asked her: "Where's mama?" She would look at her mom. "Where's Uncle ed?" She pointed right at me. They asked her: "Where's Ruby?" She looked around and pointed at her fifteen-month old cousin. By the time she turns three, I believe this girl will be smarter than me.

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The Strangely Normal Weekend

Not much happened. More specifically, no path-altering occurrences took place. I did get a new shirt...but I know that I will feel too worn out to do anything tomorrow night.

- Unless we haven't spoken in months, I find it awkward to call a guy to say 'what's up?' I don't feel this way about my phone conversations with my brothers, but shit...why do I find it weird to call and to get calls of this nature? I find that's the case if there is no personal business to attend to. I'm not sure how I got this way.

- Before another stellar May or May Not Show, the subject of "what were we doing that night?" came up. We had figured out why we were at that particular bar on that particular night. It was the Saturday dance party. We all agreed on what happened after the bar closed that night. I got in a cab, went home with some friends and I erased any positive karma I had with the lady game. We recalled reconvening for breakfast the next morning. I had the corned beef hash. I remember playing basketball that night. I scored two points. We went backwards and agreed that we made a quick visit to Ikea. I scored some frames. A bunch of people came to town from Madison that night. I remember coming over to my future apartment building. We stopped right there and tried to figure out: "What the hell happened between dinner and Dance Party?" I refuse to check the archives of my own web log. I'm going to eventually recall that night in its entirety. I swear I will.

- I went to the hometown this weekend...it must be time for the CD Purchase Roll Call:

The Secret Machines library - I figure I should pick up the actual printed copies of both albums after getting both secondhand. You know...support the band and such. I'm not ashamed to say the CD's sound way better than the versions I had. I didn't know they could sound even more awesome.
Serge Gainsbourg - Comic Strip Damn you, music hipsters. Now my library looks even more snobbish. This guy is merely the Herb Alpert of France with more drugs.
RJD2 - Since We Last Spoke - Sometimes I'll purchase an album even though the reviews were lukewarm. I'm not sure why...but I haven't heard enough about this album to be influenced. Hopefully this one will be worth it.
DLR Band - Rumour has it this is the most underrated David Lee Roth solo album. After the release of 'A Little Ain't Enough,' his recording career was certified dead. They didn't even give this one a chance (it was independently released with little promotion). I spotted this in the $2 bin. So far this album seems worth every penny...plus the amazon.com price. All things considered, it's pretty good.

- When you live in the city, certain things become a novelty. Mowing a lawn is such an event. I forget what it's like to pace around a backyard where you can calmly get lost in thought. You walk down the lawn, stop turn around and go back in the other direction. Sometimes you take a right at patio and walk in a curve before turning around. If you paced around like that in an airport without the lawnmower...I bet you'd have some problems.

- A little conversation went like this:

Sister (In law) - How's the dating scene?
E - Pretty Dead.
S(IL) - How are the prospects of rekindling a previous relationship?
E - Heh. More dead.

As I said "Heh, More dead." I realized that I've been misleading members of my family that hope exists for me and the blonde-ex (probably myself included). Note to self: Give it up already.

- The Same conversation ended like this:

S(IL) - Oh...why not try the internet?
E - Been there. The stories you hear are rarely true.
M - Maybe you're going at it all wrong.
E - Yeah, probably...Thanks.

As I said "Yeah, probably...Thanks." I realized that I was likely going to write about this exchange and edit a post from last week so as to make it seem like I'm not as pathetic as I try to make myself out to be. I call it a revision.

Self therapy ends....now.

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The Cramp.

I think I was trying to turn over in my bed when out of nowhere, my left calf cramped up fierce. I snapped awake, let out an "Ow...FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" and dissapeared into my pillow writhing in pain. When the rude awakening subsided, I checked the clock and noticed that I had three minutes left to sleep. Amidst the pain and confusion, I thought that I didn't set my alarm to go off. So I flipped the switch and went back to sleep. One hour later I woke up to realize that it wasn't 'opposite day.' I actually turned my alarm off. Thus began one of the more annoying Fridays in recent history. I wonder what's in store for me tonight...

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Things I Broke Today

1. My Money Clip - I just have so much cash...the metal thing done snapped in half! No, not quite like that. It's one of those small wallets that hold cash on the outside and your ID stuff on the inside. I've had this wallet since 2000. It's about time I get a new one.

2. My Headphones - I buy two pairs a year now. I have a knack for breaking headphones. I don't buy the cheapest ones out there...but I probably should.

3. Their Spirits - 90% of all incoming telephone calls to my landline are telemarketers. Two or three times a night, I'll check the caller ID and see the same out of area or toll free calls. None of these calls get picked up. I decided to try something. My outgoing answering message gives these callers a rude welcome where I tell them what I think about their constant efforts to reach me. My theory: Since 90% of my answering machine messages are recordings, I doubt the operators would even listen to the message. Therefore, telemarketing traffic will remain constant.

The results so far: Since the beginning of the experiment, I've had two messages where the caller's voice starts out shaky. They sound startled or scared. One person apologized and one person stammered something about it not being a sales call (it was a call seeking the person who had this number TWO YEARS ago). Perhaps I went too far with this one? I don't think so. When these frazzled operators take me off the call list, they improve their marketing efficiency. I acquire a cheap laugh. That's win-win!

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See it Again

I saw the last half of the Twista video on BET last night. Most of it featured partying on a boat while floating down the same section of the Chicago River over and over again...I saw the dancing groupies around Twista and remembered back to one day last spring where I sat on my bus as we drove by the river. I saw trucks and equipment set up. It looked to be a filming session of some kind along the river. As my bus drove right by the set at 8:30 in the morning, I saw a few model-looking types sitting in fancy directors' chairs on the Wacker Dr. sidewalk. They were freezing their asses off. I specifically recall a smoking hot african-american woman in a skimpy brown dress (turns out she was in the video). I recall thinking to myself at the time "I want to be a rap star." So when you see the daytime shots in that video...picture me rolling by on a bus near the bridges in the background...pondering life as a non-rap star.

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Search

Last night kicked off the exhibition pro football season. Right now the temperature is below 60 degrees and the sun just went down. Summer is already short in these parts...we don't need it to be shorter. In celebration of the depressing feeling I call 'end of summer,' let's examine some search terms.

This Web Log

- chinese beloved feeling
- chinese translation for Van Halen
- phish overalls
- Chinese typesetter photo
- "weber grill" lawsuit
- "david lee roth quotes
- "go you packers go go" lyrics
- mcdonalds 49 cent cheeseburger 21
- powertab metroid
- lincoln park trixies

I'm not sure what exactly these people are looking for, but the word Chinese still gets me plenty of stranger-traffic. I can't draw any parallels here. I just wanted to waste space.

Friendster

It's a fad that seems to be gaining steam despite the fact that nerdier folks like me have moved on to dorkier networking sites. One of their gimmicks features search terms based on your 'network'. Earlier today, ten search terms in my network consisted of:

1. how to dress emo
2. punk chicks
3. marc jacob's shoes
4. first sign of pregancy
5. wendy wong
6. hot filipino
7. indian females
8. sweater vests
9. free ringtones
10. how to tell if your pregnant

So people in my network (currently 151,151 folks 3 degrees away) want to dress emo, think that they are pregnant, seek this wong person, and are looking for a hot filipino. I'm right here, ladies.

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Laugh

Today, these things made me laugh to myself in my twisted little head:
1) Type of laugh: 'Heh.' Stimulus: MLB Pitchers with thick eye-glasses.
2) Type of laugh: 'Heh-Heh.' Stimulus: The Sox trying to come back from a being down 7-0'
3) Type of Laugh: 'Heh-Heh-Shit.' Stimulus: Hearing the phrase "blah blah blah my NEW boyfriend." spoken by a lady for whom you recently developed a quick and dorky crush.

Today, these things made me laugh out loud. No, not LOL or ROR...I actually laughed.
1) Type of Laugh: 'Heh.' Stimulus: Seeing the freshest set of lables for the door buzzers in five years.
2) Type of Laugh: 'Heh-heh.' Stimulus: Seeing two last names that occupy the same apartment occupy two labels on the buzzer box.
3) Type of Laugh: 'Heh-heh-heh-hm, ahem.' Seeing the corner homeless guy (mentioned more than once on this web log) reach into the newspaper box for free employment magazines so he can pull out two paper bags that suspiciously look like bottles of booze. Damn.

I don't think I'm funny...I just happen to see funny shit.

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The Post I want to finish by 10 PM

I have five minutes. Let's cut the bullshit, shall we?

- I woke up yesterday to a telephone call telling me that the weekly baseball game was going on. I was forcing myself to sleep in and I cost me some good baseball action. It wasn't that bad. I showed up in time to play the last five innings. After the game we went to lunch and talked about baseball and everybody seemed to have a different favorite team. After that, I went home and watched the Cubs game. Then Quinn came over and we watched some of the Sox game before playing a few games of MLB 2004 on the gamecube. Then I went to the Fireside and met up with the same baseball folks and proceeded to, yes...talk about baseball. Uh...is it me, or do I need a life?

- My computer says it is 10pm. Let's pretend the title of this post says 10:10. I have ten minutes.

- Saturday night featured a visit Wicker Park. I've been out of town so much lately that I don't remember the last weekend night I was there. As we made our way to the bar, we noticed that the cops were in full force on piss-patrol. That's some serious business in that neighborhood. We can all rest easier knowing that Chicago's finest blanket the tavern-crazy neighborhoods to prevent such a crime.

- During a brief conversation at the bar, the topic of 'where are you from?' came up. She said "Oconomowoc." I said "Brookfield." We nodded at each others answers and proceeded to get more specifics. Once we hit name-dropping stage (that's usually the part of the conversation when I fight the urge to stop and walk away), I realized something. During these types of conversations, there is always a vibe of subtle disappointment once two people realize that they're from the same metropolitan area. I get the sense that once you get away from your hometown, you're compelled to stay far away from the people too. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. I deem it hilarious.

- The folks visited the apartment today and seemed to like the place better than the highrise. My mom wasn't scared to sit on the couch without a clean sheet under her, she didn't try to clean my room or dust my cabinets, and I got her to sit down and eat in a restaurant with a dining atmosphere well below her standards. All I have to say to that is 'whoa.'

It's 10:17. I must avoid a computer until I'm at work. Foreigner is on the CD player. I wanna know what love is. I can't stand 80's-era Foreigner. Done.

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Home

I'm never in Chicago on weekends these days, so I figure shut myself down tonight and sleep in tomorrow with a full wallet, no headache, and that feeling I call 'refreshed.' You learn a few things when you stay home:

! There's a scene In 'Spies Like Us,' where Dan Akroyd and Chevy Chase are in Afghanistan. They come upon a village and wind up getting 100 rifles pulled on them. Akroyd says "I recognize these people! They're Afghan Freedom Fighters. They're on our side!!" Oh. The Irony.

@ Maybe I'm going crazy, but it seems like my dining room floor is getting more tilted every week.

# I should probably start reading again.

$ I can keep myself entertained.

% The neighborhood liquor store is the place to shop on a Friday after work. For a price of a 12-pack of some Polish import, I got a free sample and a free glass. Incentives are good.

^ Video game baseball is only slighty more fun than watching the Cubs on TV. Only slightly.

& [deleted] (You actually went back to check this, didn't you?)

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Unwatchable

For lack of anything to watch that doesn't involve fake sex on Cinemax, I watched a few scenes of this Jamie Kennedy movie. It's probably the most unwatchable movie I have ever sampled. The jokes weren't funny and after a while, I felt embarrased for the actors involved. I don't know much Spanish, but I noticed that whatever was on Univision at the same time was much more entertaining. In conclusion, I'm glad the heat broke.

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Hadoken!!





What? You don't see it?

When I started this post, lighting struck pretty close by. Not a few minutes later, two firetrucks roared the wrong way down my street and parked five or six houses north. That strike cleared my senses. I hope nothing bad went down...

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The Hint

Boss: Hey Ed. 'FYI', we told the new hire that our office day is from 8-5. Sometimes we come in earlier, sometimes we come in later, but usually the day is from 8 - 8:30 to 5 - 5:40. So...uh...'FYI' that's what we told her. You know...that's the work day the new hire will have...just an 'FYI.'

Me (blank look): Okay.

Hmm...Passive-aggressive, much?

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The Weekend That Featured a lot of Sitting

I'm sitting here. I was just sitting on the couch. Before that I sat in my car for five hours. Before that I spent a day and a half sitting by a pool. Before that I sat in my car for five hours. Before that I sat at the Cubs game. To kick things off, I sit at a desk all day long. Sit. Sit. Sit.

- For the price of a few mosquito bites and a tan, I wound up in Michigan (for the second time in a month) for a day or so of sitting by a pool with friends. A good time was had by all, the hospitality was much appreciated, and I have to drink a lot of water to recover...and to top things off, I'm don't hate people after spending two whole days in the pleasant company of friends. It's good to get away.

- After spending extra time at work making sure that I could not get in trouble for anything that I didn't do, I wound up at the Cubs game. There was a group of what looked to be a bunch of brothers and their kids. It was sort of an uncles and cousins roadtrip. One of fathers used his professional zoom lens to take a picture of a female fan from a distance. One of the kids saw this and laughed. That kid eventually got his hands on the camera and took a picture of a female fan from a distance. His father saw this. His father let out a proud 'That's my BOY!' This continued for a few innings. A kid would take a picture a woman's chest in the row next to him and his father would crack up. They got pretty blatant with this. We kind of laughed...and felt bad at the same time...for those kids seem to have perfect father figures to guide them along. I'm glad we're teaching our children how to be heterosexual, voyeuristic, and fans of baseball all at the same time..And that's my story about sitting in the box-seat section at a Cubs game.

I got away from the city...and until I went to sleep at 5 am Saturday morning, I constantly felt like I had to be at work the next day. Sweet.

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